Fitting In - Effort

What is it to fit in? How much does it press us to do certain things and how lousy does it make us feel when we're not "in"? I find myself with what I would describe as a weird set of principles and such that leave me on the outside looking in. I feel like an old soul in a young body, as attending college has me observing those around me having "the times of their lives", and I have tried to force myself into these situations with them, only to leave myself feeling horribly uncomfortable and certainly not feeling like I'm having a great time. While I know I am not the only one who does not subscribe to the "norms" of the college life, I just wish it was easier to find the others who are like me. Even when those people are found, it's no guarantee at all that we click, as all we share is a distaste for the "norms", not necessarily a bond over anything else. The odds are against me in this regard. I consider myself lucky for the friends that I do have, but I recognize that at this point in my life, it is difficult to find a comfort zone with people to share it with. There's something to be said for starting clubs for a common interest, but to be perfectly honest, I don't have that much energy to commit right now. It just makes me think about how it just feels so wrong that I have to exert so much just to have a chance to find like-minded people; whereas I look around and see many people just going out and drinking together and coming back in drunken revelry and having their "war stories" from their nights be what bonds them in the end. Their camaraderie seems so strong, and then when I am there I feel so outside of it and that I'm just a checker amongst chess pieces. This isn't really about the conflict of my inner morals against the urge to compromise them to fit in, because I know where I stand on that. That's been established since I entered 6th grade and kids I was friends with really started to experiment. This is more just about the feelings that surround the concept that making the "right choices" leads to a "harder lifestyle" in the regards that I've expressed. I can be told "you'll find your niche in life" and "you'll find similar people" only so many times before I think my brain will explode. I may or may not meet these people, but don't give me false hope based on the probability that out of the thousands of people I go to college with that I will find similar people at some point. I don't appreciate that. Guess I just have to see if those other people's coins flip like mine.